STABILITY OR INTIMACY: MUST WE CHOOSE?

Ladies…ladies…ladies…I need y’all to help me out with something. The other night my husband and I were out with two other couples and the topic of men and their lack of romance came up. We, the women were trying to convey that though financial stability and security is essential, we are emotional creatures, so it takes more than that for a woman to be completely satisfied in her relationship.

As you can probably imagine, the men didn’t take to kindly to this and immediately became defensive. One of the men said and I quote, “You want a MAN, or do you want a PUSSY?” Girl, I almost choked on my wine…note to self when the word “pussy” enters the conversation, GET THE CHECK!!!

He proceeded to explain that the primary responsibility of a REAL man is to take care of his family and that usually requires him to work long stressful hours. When they get in at the end of the day all they want is to be restored.

I felt the heat of eager stares from the other women at the table. Apparently, they had a silent vote and appointed me “mouthpiece”.  I cleared what little Cabernet Sauvignon was left in my throat and engaged him with the question, “What about your wife, doesn’t she need to be restored?”

Before he could answer, my husband interrupted. He must’ve noticed the matrix tilt of my head, the curl in my lip and the tone of my voice, all sure signs I’m about to go off. “What I think the ladies are getting at is that they need intimacy.” His friend looked completely perplexed. I don’t know if it was the twelve shots of Patron or the fact that he heard a man utter the word intimacy.

Thank God the check was paid, and the night was over, but the unresolved conversation left me wondering, do we have to choose between stability and romance?

I’m not talking about in the beginning of the relationship when the guy is doing all kinds of sweet stuff to get in your panties. I’m talking about 2 or 3 years down the line when the ink on your nuptials are dry and the baby is screaming through the monitor.

I remember being frustrated with my husband for a period in our marriage. I felt overwhelmed trying to be everything for everyone. It seemed the more I did, the more I was expected to do. When I expressed that I didn’t feel appreciated, and I needed intimacy, for him to rub my feet, massage my shoulders, or fix me a cup of tea, he brushed off my desires and overpowered the conversation with a list of all HE was doing to support our household and our dreams. In comparison, what I needed was deemed insignificant. I was starting to think he would never get it. Our bills were paid, we were living in a beautiful home, driving fancy cars, but I was unhappy.

Now I’m experiencing the marriage I was always craved. He probably wouldn’t want me telling the world this but what the hell, he writes me poetry, buys me flowers just because and isn’t shy about telling me how amazing he thinks I am. I asked him what changed. He said he matured. He came to understand that he’s more than a provider, he’s a lover, a friend, a partner. He went on to say that when I chose to stop nagging him and decided to continue loving him in spite of, my unconditional love changed him.

Must I choose, NO!!! Must I be patient and willing to give all of me when I don’t feel I’m getting all of him, YES!!! If you are with the guy you believe God created especially for you, hang in there. Relationships require WORK…don’t let anyone convince you otherwise but the reward can be phenomenal. If I had thrown in the towel years ago I wouldn’t be experiencing the amazing love, we share now.

So Kitty's,

What do you think is more important, stability or intimacy?

If your mate fulfilled all your intimate needs, would you be willing to provide the stability?

Are you comfortable talking to your partner about ways he/she can improve things for you in the relationship sexually?

 

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